I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
