They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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