Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
