areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
