So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
