we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
