Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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