I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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