you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
