do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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