Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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