i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize