I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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