I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
