Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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