I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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