even my farts smell like vagina
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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