i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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