Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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