the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
She told me I should be a condom model.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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