i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
