I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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