Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
