I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
