All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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