I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
