we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
