so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
