im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
