why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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