Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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