i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
