I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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