Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
