i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
