I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
