shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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