I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
