when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
