Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The air was thick with penises
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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