Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
