I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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