Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
