in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
