at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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