saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
