If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
