I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize