My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
