Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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