The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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