I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
