i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
