Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize