Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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