i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Come share oat with me in your robe
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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