What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
