what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
