PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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