I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
