The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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