good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
