I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
