Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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