my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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