Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
