Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
