im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
