Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
