Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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